The Jewish Dog

Spot was a good boy, now he may not have been the best boy, but he was an okay boy. Of the kinds of boys there are, he wasn’t the best, or the worst.

So as I was saying, Spot goes to the park, and a squirrel calls him a kike. Do you not believe me? Well who the hell are you! So as I was saying, Spot went to the park and a squirrel called him a kike. Ugly word, you don’t hear it very often because it has a lot of spikey “kay” consonants. Even the racists don’t say it often, it’s aesthetically not a good word while also not standing for something good. It falls way down the list of things racist say for that reason.

“KuKuhKuhKuh,” no good. Ugly.

This was not a good moment for Spot, not being the best boy, for if he was the best boy, he would have had something prepared in this situation which was dignified or some other bullshit like that. But he wasn’t the worst boy, although in this situation you’d have the free pass to bite him or something.

Squirrel calls you a kike, you can bite the squirrel, probably still not the worst boy.

Before Spot could get his head around what happened, the squirrel, being a squirrel, ran right up a tree. Spot didn’t really know what to do be he had some sort of idea that he was mad.

Spot, being not just Jewish but a dog, ran to the tree and starting barking at it, as dogs tend to do. Spot barked at that tree for hours and hours but the squirrel never came out of the tree! What does Spot do? Well being a dog he takes a piss right on the tree. As he’s pissing on the tree the squirrel sticks his head out, “hey, what the fuck are you doing, stop pissing on my tree! You disgusting mongrel, you filthy canine!”

Spot really lets the squirrel have it with the barking, but in an uncharacteristic mood, Spot decides, being an okay boy, to try to make some peace.

“Well you know what,” said Spot, “I don’t appreciate the Anti-Semitism.” “What the hell are you talking about?” asked the squirrel. “Well here I am minding my business, and you call me a Kike,” Spot said. “What?” The squirrel looked visibly confused, and he was getting noticably frustrated.

“You crazy mutt, get the hell out of here, and how would I even know you’re Jewish?”

Spot, confused, realized this was true. He was adopted by an old Jewish woman, and he rarely spoke about his religion to the other dogs at the park, since he liked to keep the conversation light with them, he didn’t want to broach any existential questions. At this point, Spot wandered off, tired, and wondering if he was losing it.

The squirrel looks puzzled, takes out an acorn and says before he starts chewing on it, “stupid fucking dog.” KuhKuhKuhKukrunchKuhKuhKuh

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